Why You Should Be Careful What You Wish For

Be careful what you wish for… is a thinly veiled threat that can be taken a whole lot of different ways.  I mainly regard it as one of those truisms that relates less to what we would think of as “wishing” (upon a star variety) and more to the power of our repetitive thoughts.  A friend of a friend who worked with Jack Nicholson on the film “A Few Good Men” liked to share the star’s hard-won advice on how-to-make-it-in-Hollywood: "if you stick around long enough, eventually they can’t deny ‘ya”.

That’s the way I feel about our thoughts, or wishes—the ones that stick around long enough cannot be denied.  In my life this has proven more or less to be true; not only when it comes to specific goals but even to less directed desires.  Example:  when we were house hunting in the Charlottesville, Virginia area, I came across a dear little home that was already under a contract.

Although I looked at many dwellings during that particular search, this one struck my sweet spot; so in spite of the fact that it was “already taken”, I looked at the listing every damn day and wished that either it, or one like it would become available to me.  We were making no progress in finding a place we both loved (that was in our price range) and kept stretching the budget higher and higher in hopes of finding the house of our dreams, but to no avail—nothing resonated with me like the one I couldn’t have.

Obviously there is no suspense here because of how I have framed my tale, so long story short—the contract fell through and we snapped up the place in an instant.  I later found out that another couple also had their eye on it, but we beat them to the punch (mainly because I checked in on the listing with an OCD-like frequency).  I could bore you with a LOT of stories like that, including the one about how when we had to sell the house, we were in a down market and all the realtors told me there was no way I’d get the price I wanted…except I did, after only two weeks.

So “wishing” can be a very helpful tool, if you also understand the “be careful” part.

The problem with the power of our (obsessive) thoughts is that they can work against us as much as for us…and frankly, most of us obsess over the negative far more than we obsess over the positive.  How many times have you had a worried loop repeating endlessly in your head?  And how often has that worried loop either then manifested in some way OR simply ruined your enjoyment of the present (unworried) moment?

This happened to me recently, where I became so obsessed with a relatively small problem that in my over-exerted efforts to MAKE IT GO THE HELL AWAY, I actually made it much, much worse.  I “wish” I could say that is the first time I have done something like that to myself, but I am such a “problem solver” kind of gal, that I often enough unravel the whole damn sweater by yanking on the loose string.  Overkill may not be my middle name, but that’s only because my folks hadn’t met me when they picked it out.

I do realize, therefore, the double edged sword that I have been handed; yes, it works both for and against me, depending on how careful I am with my wishing.  BUT there is one other component that I have not yet mentioned, and that is PATIENCE.  I think the power of the wish may be an endangered species, because our society has become such an “instant gratification” culture that almost no one has the patience to wait for what they want.

In other words, wishes not instantly fulfilled often fall by the wayside. 

This can be a good thing; when I was in 5^th grade and my neighbors got their ears pierced, my Mom said I had to wait until I was 16.  By the time I was 16, however, I had zero interest in letting someone punch a hole through my ear cartilage so I could dangle stuff off of it.  But it can also be a bad thing, because instead of holding out for the “right” choice, we settle for the “right now” in so many areas of our lives, and then never move beyond it.

When I was a kid (think: stone ages) I would spend hours sitting by the radio listening for a specific song.  No downloadable music (and no music budget) meant that I had to be very patient to get what I wanted.  I also had to be open to hearing a lot of music other than the desired tune.  So to reach my “goal” (“Peg” by Steely Dan!) I not only had to demonstrate perseverance, I also had to learn flexibility.

This simple exercise, repeated over and over during my adolescence and teenage years has served me very well as an adult.   I wonder where kids are learning these skills today when I think about the passion and drive it took to simply hear ONE song versus the relative silver platter on which children see their whims fulfilled on regular basis. The old joke about walking 20 miles in the snow uphill to school every day feels more and more true when I compare my childhood to the experiences of my own son.

I see how frustrated he is when things don’t come easily to him (we all are, to some degree or another) but also the assumption that he must be “stupid” if information doesn’t download into his brain intact and functional, like an app.  I see other children dismiss whatever doesn’t come easily as the “stupid” thing.  The problem I see for these kids is that making your wishes come true requires an attention span.

Be careful what you wish for—back in the old days when we were all walking uphill in the snow for 20 miles, I’m sure we wished for things to be “easier”.  That wish has definitely come true in many ways, but at what cost?  Have we lost our patience, our willingness to make an effort, our attention spans?

Be careful what you wish for—if thoughts become things (and they do, every day), are we mindful of the kind of thoughts we are playing in our heads?  Are those thoughts likely to bring us closer or farther away from what we want?  Are our thoughts bringing us peace or pain?

And most importantly--are we willing to stick around long enough that our passions can no longer deny us?