1) When Harry Met Sally: I start here because this is one of
my favorite films of all time. Even
though it endorses one of the greatest untruths ever told… men and women can't be friends. Harry and Sally debate this point early on
and Sally tries to take the day with this: “So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds
unattractive?” Harry’s response? “No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.” Now, I’m not a man, and I have no idea what percentage of women the
typical guy wants to “nail” (UGH) but I have many wonderful platonic
friendships with men that I wouldn’t trade for anything. As a matter of fact, because it is considered
an offense against societal mores to be “nailing” more than one person at a time,
MOST of my relationships with men have been platonic and I’m assuming that is true
for most people. Unless you are all
“nailing” each other behind my back.
LMK, ‘k?
2) Sleepless in
Seattle: I might as
well get all of my Nora Ephron bashing out of the way up front. This film bothers me SO MUCH that I have
devoted an entire blog to it (http://karapostkennedy.blogspot.com/2013/09/why-sleepless-in-seattle-should-bug-you.html); however,
my BFF has informed me that it is actually giving women permission to
break up with the boring-nice-guy (even if he looks like BILL PULLMAN) to look
for their soul mate. Who, in Annie’s
case, turns out to be another boring-nice-guy.
With a kid. Who lives on the
other side of the country. You go
girl!!! It was definitely a good idea to
dump your handsome, successful, sweet, local fiancé for a voice on the
radio!!! Boo.
3) While You
Were Sleeping: Another Bill
Pullman film with “sleep” in the title, only THIS time he gets the girl. From his BROTHER, played by Peter Gallagher,
who has never been more hilarious than he is here. Before you get all grossed out (save that for the next film on the list), the
REAL problem in this ridiculous and convoluted plot (I watch it every
Christmas! Woot-woot!) is the idea that
dishonesty is somehow “polite”. There is
a wonderful theme here screaming to be heard:
that our fantasies are just that, a FANTASY. And reality can be so much better because the
connections we make go so much deeper than appearances. Instead we are treated to a ludicrous set of
circumstances by which our heroine is kept apart from her #onetruelove because
she must “politely” maintain the lie that she is engaged to another. It’s dumb and wrong. And I watch it every Christmas.
4) Dan in Real
Life: In this case
Dan, played by the utterly impossible to resist Steve Carrell, does in fact
steal his BROTHER’S girlfriend. Two brothers
sleeping with the same woman in the same movie is a little too biblical for me,
sorry. ICK.
5) Crazy, Stupid, Love:
Again, I GET IT. There is no way any woman on the planet could
NOT fall for Steve Carrell, even when he is acting like a total D-BAG. As
he is here. This movie has a very
confusing message about “revenge” as a valid romantic position. The way I remember it, Steve Carrell’s wife,
who he still loves very much, has an affair with a d-bag and this makes him
sad. So he embarks on a mission to learn
how to be a d-bag himself by using women and tossing them aside in order to…win
her back? Humiliate his children (one of
the women is his kid’s teacher)? Destroy
his legacy as a good man? It was all
very upsetting and perplexing but never mind that, IT WORKED! So he and his
wife lived happily ever after. Say it
with me this time: ICK.
6) Love,
Actually: Actually, LOVE
this film, even though it is pretty much rotten to the core. Damn Brits!!!
They make everything seem so charming!
Declaring your love for your best friend’s spouse! Buying your tarty secretary a nicer Christmas
gift than your wife!! Porn as a path to true love!!! IT’S
ALL SO ROMANTIC!!!! When it’s done with
a British accent; I can’t deny it.
7) Celeste and
Jesse Forever* Turns out,
Jesse is an aimless underachiever because of his WIFE. It’s Celeste’s fault, really. The RIGHT woman gets him on track and after
years of being a wastrel, he becomes a responsible, hard-working success
story. Damn you Celeste! Don’t you understand that your over-achieving
was emasculating? So gross.
8) Pretty Woman: Please don’t make me say it. Pretty
please. Speaking of which…
9) Pretty in
Pink: Does anyone
like Blane? Isn’t he a boring snob with
no backbone? But we love Duckie,
right? Ladies…come on, choose wisely.
10) Peggy Sue
Got Married: I
KNOW!!! I love it too. And at its heart is the beautiful truth that
most mothers would remarry their husband, even if he turned out to be a
feckless, cheating goom-bah because they could not imagine life without their
particular children. But Peggy Sue had
OPTIONS. And her husband did turn out to
be a feckless, cheating goom-bah. Ladies…come
on, choose wisely.
*Upon reflection, turns out Celeste and Jesse Forever is the last romantic comedy I can remember seeing. That came out in 2012. Apparently it annoyed me enough to unconsciously boycott rom-coms for 4 years! Or maybe I’m afraid that nowadays I’m just going to be watching two hours of young people staring at their phones and “swiping right”??? LMK, ‘k?
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