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Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Do you have one of those friends who is late all the time?  Someone you are tempted to lie to about the start time of events because you know this is the only way they will possibly be there when you want them to be there?  Does this make you CRAZY or what???  Do you hate sitting in restaurants tapping your fingers and sipping your water and looking at your watch (likely your smartphone) like an idiot?  Do you hate that pit in your stomach that makes you feel like a girl who has just been left at the altar? 

So why the hell are you still friends with this person?  Let me guess…probably because they always do show up (eventually) and they have many other, wonderful qualities that offset your moments of jilted-bride angst.  So let this be a lesson to you…actually, two lessons.  1)  Why get all worked up when you know they will be there eventually? and 2) Why do you think YOU have to be perfect in order for people to love you?
Life is full of inconveniences, many of them caused by the people we care about.  Our parents, our siblings, our spouses, our kids and our friends are all terribly inconvenient a lot of the time.  In fact, children (and pets) are pretty much the definition of inconvenient!  Look it up sometime, if that won’t inconvenience you.  The fact of the matter is, we think of the things we DON'T love in terms of the inconveniences they cause—jobs and nasty co-workers and bosses, traffic and chores and obligations—but we don’t really process the people and events we enjoy as “inconvenient”.  Even though they so totally are. 

Weddings?  Often inconvenient and always inconveniently expensive.  Ditto baby showers, family vacations and any kind of event that takes place in a stadium.  Seriously, what a complete and total hassle most things are, when you think about it!  But unless you are channeling J.D. Salinger, you probably get out of bed and make it all happen anyway.  And even occasionally have a good time!

The truth is, convenience has perhaps unfairly gotten a good rap.  Just because something is convenient doesn’t make it good, McDonald’s.  Acknowledging the fact that life and people can be tricky, time-consuming, resource wasting albatrosses may not sound like a step in the right direction, but believe me it is.  You have to laugh at yourself for all the chicken-with-head-cut-off running around you do to make sure you have color coordinated napkins for a friend’s party or that impossible-to-find item your mother loves. 

Virtually every job on the planet is rife with pulse pounding but ultimately fake deadlines.  All the cooking we do (it’s immediately eaten) all the cleaning we do (BAM!  A pigsty in seconds) all the errand running, gift buying, church contributing and school participating…exhausting, hamster in the wheel stuff.  Being a human and creating a life is really an endless cycle of build and destroy, deplete and restock, fail and try again, succeed and try to top that.  Ever watch ants building an anthill, a grain of sand at a time?  Smash that thing to the ground (you don’t want ants taking over the yard) and watch them begin again.
Whew, sounds sooooo depressing, I know.  But when you think about it, it is really a key to your freedom.  When you realize that pretty much everything is an inconvenience, it makes it okay for you to be one too.  If you are late, you will still experience love.  If you pester someone for help they don’t want to give, you may actually get the help you need.  If a wedding is missed, a baby shower is right around the corner.  If an attempt fails, tomorrow is a whole new day in which you can cook another meal, dry another tear, do another dance and yes, try again.  

You are living your life and life is inconvenient.  You are loving your people and people are so damned inconvenient.  You are giving it a try and trying is tiring and inconvenient too but if there is something you want, you need to go for it, no matter how much it inconveniences you or the people you care about.  Jump off the wheel now and then and do something totally for yourself and see if the world falls apart.  If you don’t carry your grain of sand to the anthill today, there will be plenty of chances in the future.  So go ahead and dare to be inconvenient today.  See if you can’t stir up a little happiness for yourself along the way, okay?

Friday, November 1, 2013


I AM BEGGING YOU TO STOP DOING THIS.  But chances are, you don’t even realize you are doing it.  I have spent too many hours listening to people I care about talk themselves out of their own awesomeness to remain silent a second longer.  Why do you keep making excuses for yourself instead of proudly owning the fact that you are a warrior, and all is fair in love and war?  What is it that you want desperately that you have effectively talked yourself out of?...Is it a new career?  A new relationship?  A different weight or state of fitness?  A different (lesser) sense of responsibility for OTHER people’s happiness?  What do you stand to gain (or lose) if you stop building the case against yourself???

Years ago there was a bizarre study published that announced something to the effect that a woman over forty had a better chance of being involved in a terrorist attack than finding a new relationship.  Excuse me?  I don’t know who-the-jack they interviewed or tracked on this particular “scientific” venture, but holy God in Heaven, that is the sickest, most twisted piece of information ever delivered to people with hope.  If you have hope, you can get out of bed in the morning and try again.  If you have hope, you can forgive and maybe eventually forget.   If you have hope you know that your past does NOT determine your future and you would never make choices based on the false premise that it does.  If you have hope, you are still alive.

Why in the world would we ever say or do anything ever to kill another person’s sense of hope and personal optimism?  Does it make sense on any level when not dealing with someone who hopes to jump off the Chrysler building and fly?  I say if you have a dream, you should be audacious in your pursuit of it.  No excuses and no tiptoeing around other people’s insecurities.  Why should you be less so that other people can convince themselves that they are more?  When your friend says, “I feel so fat”, do you jump on that bandwagon and agree that you are fat too?  Or do you say, “What is this “fat” you speak of, and how does it impact your effectiveness and value in the world?”  Are you supporting the people you love or subtly undermining yourself and them in a process you both interpret as comfort?  Is it comfortable to embrace mediocrity?

I challenge you and say it is not.  It is not comfortable and it is not true.  Otherwise, you would be the happiest damn person on the planet right now.  If you are happy, stop reading right now.  But if you are not happy, consider the fact that you are building a case against yourself and the people you love with all the good intentions in the world.  Are you, or do you have a friend who is unhappily single?  If so, I want you to consider the dialogue you have with your friend (or yourself) on this subject.  Are you single because “there are no good men/women out there?”  Are you single because you haven’t hit your target weight/fitness/ success/personality/life?  Are you single because you are just sick and tired and can’t be bothered to make an effort anymore?  Then you are building a case against yourself and it is total horseshit.  Let me explain why.

Really unconventional looking people are married.  Really unhealthy people are married.  Mean people are married.  Unsuccessful people are married.  Unevolved people are married.  Psychotic people are married.  Sociopathic people are married.  Unfaithful people are married.  Emotionally stunted people are married.  People with a really bad fashion sense are married.  Do I need to go on?  You are single NOT because of a deficit in you.  You are (probably, most likely) fine.  You are single because you have built a case against yourself or any potential partner you meet.  You have a headset that says, “I am too damn sexy/old/poor/picky/ successful/strong/smart/ugly/fat/boring/ challenging/generous/ stingy/dumb/unmotivated/or just plain clueless to have a partner.”  Or get a new job.  Or attain any goal or dream you are harboring.  But even though I have possibly never met you, I disagree quite emphatically.

What you believe is who you are.  Nothing more and nothing less.  You believe and therefore you experience.  I know that may sound like New Age mumbo jumbo but I guarantee it is actually your Divine truth.  You are so much more than you ever imagined and so far removed from your mistakes and your past it is laughable that you even consider them.  You are whole and you are worthy and you are imperfect and you are Holy.  There is nothing that stops you from being the person you are meant to be but you.  And you know, deep, deep down in your core, who you are meant to be and you always have.  So STOP building a case against your magnificence and accept it.  Accept that you are the person that you always dreamed of being.  And then look in the mirror and realize it has always been true.