1) MONEY. Oooh, the holidays are so good for bringing
out our inner Scrooge, are they not? How
to fit all those gifts we “need” to buy into the monthly budget without racking
up credit card debt and/or eating beans the entire month of January to
compensate? It is stressful for everyone
except Oprah, whose favorite things list this year included such items as a $98
sweatshirt and $150 makeup brushes. I’ve
got my fingers crossed, Oprah! ‘Cuz on
the other hand…we get gifts, too, and
most of us like to use the holidays as our opportunity to treat our loved ones
to a little something they would never buy for themselves. So there is some sweet mutual wish
fulfillment that doesn’t happen at any other time of the year.
2) FOOD. So much food!
SOOOOOO MUCH FOOOOD! Everyone
says you should never start a diet around the holidays and I completely agree
with this; that is just mean. With the
short days and colder temperatures, we are all getting into hibernation mode—moving
less, settling in earlier—and when you add all of the delicious treats of the
season, we have a recipe for discontent with our waistlines. On the other hand…the holidays do give us
permission to spoil ourselves a little with indulgences we don’t normally enjoy. I, for one, eat those nut-encrusted cheese
balls/logs but once a year, and man, do I look forward to it. Ditto egg-nog, gingerbread and the giant tins
filled with flavored popcorn.
BOO-YA! SO AWESOME! It adds a little extra “spice” to the season
for me.
3) PARTIES. MAN, parties SUCK. Except
when they are totally fun! I think
you all are with me on this one.
4) FAMILY. MAN, families SUCK. Except
when they are totally amazing! Am I
right???
5) MUSIC. Pop quiz:
what is your personal best record for speed in changing the radio
station upon hearing the opening notes of “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”
(or Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song, which I happen to love but I feel you if you
don’t)? My hand can move so fast it’s a
blur, practically accomplishing the song change by telekinesis. Holiday music, by the end of the holidays
always, is the definition of PLAYED OUT.
On the other hand…listening to Josh Groban sing “O, Holy Night” always
moves me to tears and I love that my 10 year old son knows who Bing Crosby is,
all because of “White Christmas”. The
agelessness of holiday music makes it the ultimate time machine, both bringing
us back but also allowing us to bring that time back to the future for our
kids.
6) HOLIDAY
MOVIES/ SPECIALS. HOLY WOW is Santa a
NIGHTMARE in Rudolph the Red Nosed
Reindeer! Actually, the whole gang
at the North Pole has clearly watched Mean
Girls one too many times; what a judgmental, excluding, no-healthy
boundaries group they are. Home Alone treats your child to fear of
home invasion, excessive violence and confirmation that Santa doesn’t actually
come if your folks aren’t home.
Ouch. The Little Drummer Boy opens with the murder of his parents; that’s
always a good way to get a kid’s attention.
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas brings
back Rudolph’s twitchy Santa; this time he stands ready and willing to punish
an entire town because ONE MOUSE doesn’t believe in him. What a jerk!
On the other hand…I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!!!
7) THE WAR ON
CHRISTMAS. Man, the war on Christmas is
RELENTLESS!!! Starbucks turning
from the teachings of Christ with those blasphemous red cups, “holiday” trees, being
forced to be multi-culturally sensitive, IT SUCKS!!! On the other hand…Ha, ha, ha, I’m totally kidding.! There is no “war on Christmas”. It’s just something rational people
can have a good laugh over.
8) THE
SALVATION ARMY What in the world makes you feel worse than walking by one of
those poor souls standing in the freezing cold in front of your grocery store
ringing that stupid little bell without putting something into the bucket? NOT MUCH, if you are anything like me. The holidays are a time, as I mentioned
earlier, where money tends to be a little tight for people who are not Oprah,
so some days our inner Grinch does not have a DIME to spare, buddy. And how about the soup kitchens that need
extra help when you are already running around like a chicken with your head
cut off and the food pantries trying to provide a decent holiday meal for needy
families? You could die of the guilt, I swear,
especially as you are already spending a lot of money on stuff that some might
consider “frivolous”. On the other
hand…do you have any idea how damn good you are going to feel if you do put
some change into the bucket? Or
volunteer at the soup kitchen? Or drop
off supplies to the food pantry? That is
pretty much the definition of holiday cheer, my friends. That is the kind of stuff that makes your
heart grow 3 sizes that day, in Grinch vernacular.
The
holidays are so tiring/invigorating in these and many other ways! And my wish for you is that your holidays
ROCK 8 times more than they SUCK. You
know you deserve it!
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