I AM BEGGING YOU TO STOP DOING THIS. But chances are, you don’t even realize you are doing it. I have spent too many hours listening to people I care about talk themselves out of their own awesomeness to remain silent a second longer. Why do you keep making excuses for yourself instead of proudly owning the fact that you are a warrior, and all is fair in love and war? What is it that you want desperately that you have effectively talked yourself out of?...Is it a new career? A new relationship? A different weight or state of fitness? A different (lesser) sense of responsibility for OTHER people’s happiness? What do you stand to gain (or lose) if you stop building the case against yourself???
Years ago there was a bizarre study published that announced something to the effect that a woman over forty had a better chance of being involved in a terrorist attack than finding a new relationship. Excuse me? I don’t know who-the-jack they interviewed or tracked on this particular “scientific” venture, but holy God in Heaven, that is the sickest, most twisted piece of information ever delivered to people with hope. If you have hope, you can get out of bed in the morning and try again. If you have hope, you can forgive and maybe eventually forget. If you have hope you know that your past does NOT determine your future and you would never make choices based on the false premise that it does. If you have hope, you are still alive.
Why in the world would we ever say or do anything ever to kill another person’s sense of hope and personal optimism? Does it make sense on any level when not dealing with someone who hopes to jump off the Chrysler building and fly? I say if you have a dream, you should be audacious in your pursuit of it. No excuses and no tiptoeing around other people’s insecurities. Why should you be less so that other people can convince themselves that they are more? When your friend says, “I feel so fat”, do you jump on that bandwagon and agree that you are fat too? Or do you say, “What is this “fat” you speak of, and how does it impact your effectiveness and value in the world?” Are you supporting the people you love or subtly undermining yourself and them in a process you both interpret as comfort? Is it comfortable to embrace mediocrity?
I challenge you and say it is not. It is not comfortable and it is not true. Otherwise, you would be the happiest damn person on the planet right now. If you are happy, stop reading right now. But if you are not happy, consider the fact that you are building a case against yourself and the people you love with all the good intentions in the world. Are you, or do you have a friend who is unhappily single? If so, I want you to consider the dialogue you have with your friend (or yourself) on this subject. Are you single because “there are no good men/women out there?” Are you single because you haven’t hit your target weight/fitness/ success/personality/life? Are you single because you are just sick and tired and can’t be bothered to make an effort anymore? Then you are building a case against yourself and it is total horseshit. Let me explain why.
Really unconventional looking people are married. Really unhealthy people are married. Mean people are married. Unsuccessful people are married. Unevolved people are married. Psychotic people are married. Sociopathic people are married. Unfaithful people are married. Emotionally stunted people are married. People with a really bad fashion sense are married. Do I need to go on? You are single NOT because of a deficit in you. You are (probably, most likely) fine. You are single because you have built a case against yourself or any potential partner you meet. You have a headset that says, “I am too damn sexy/old/poor/picky/ successful/strong/smart/ugly/fat/boring/ challenging/generous/ stingy/dumb/unmotivated/or just plain clueless to have a partner.” Or get a new job. Or attain any goal or dream you are harboring. But even though I have possibly never met you, I disagree quite emphatically.
What you believe is who you are. Nothing more and nothing less. You believe and therefore you experience. I know that may sound like New Age mumbo jumbo but I guarantee it is actually your Divine truth. You are so much more than you ever imagined and so far removed from your mistakes and your past it is laughable that you even consider them. You are whole and you are worthy and you are imperfect and you are Holy. There is nothing that stops you from being the person you are meant to be but you. And you know, deep, deep down in your core, who you are meant to be and you always have. So STOP building a case against your magnificence and accept it. Accept that you are the person that you always dreamed of being. And then look in the mirror and realize it has always been true.