If you are reading this, but for some reason have not yet seen The Sound of Music, stop. Stop what you are doing right now and go to your Netflix account, or Red Box, or your local library, or wherever it is you go when it is time to see a movie. Because it is time to see a movie, my friend. It is way past time you see The Sound of Music. Not because it won an Academy Award for best picture. Lots of awful movies have won the Academy Award for best picture, Forrest Gump. Not because it is considered a “classic”. Lots of boring movies are considered classics, Jazz Singer. No, you should drop everything you are doing right now (which is reading a blog, so you obviously have some time on your hands) and watch The Sound of Music immediately because it is simply the best movie ever made.
Do you doubt this? Perhaps you do, because who am I to be making such a sweeping pronouncement anyhow? But I can back up my pronouncement with FACTS, not opinions, which may allow you to see the irrefutable truth about this film. Starting with 1) Julie Andrews sings in it. JACKPOT, am I right? Any film that features Julie Andrews singing is instantly elevated to top contender status, because when Julie Andrews sings, you are listening to the voice of God. The Heavenly Host. The entire Choir of Angels, in one person. She is just that good. If you question this, you have obviously never heard Julie Andrews sing, or else you are insane. So there could be that. But also, the songs she sings in this film are just 100% suited to her voice. If ever Julie Andrews voice has been married so perfectly with the tunes she is singing, I would like to hear about it. I have a soft spot for the vocal gymnastics of “The Lonely Goatherd”, but ALL of the songs showcase her perfect voice perfectly.2) Christopher Plummer is smoking hot. SMOKING hot. This is empirical and cannot be denied by any human with eyes that see. However, as an aside, and this is just my opinion, The Sound of Music represents the pinnacle of his hotness. Now, this man has been in so many movies it would be difficult to track the exact peak of his empirical gorgeousness, but I defy you to find a movie where he is any more beautimus than he is here. I think it’s the high boots and the short jackets. And the whistle. And the way he falls madly, smolderingly in love with Julie Andrews even though she dresses like a dork and wears her hair in a Peter Pan haircut. Also, he sings! Not Julie Andrews caliber singing, but well enough to make his case complete. Yowza, he BURNS it up.
3) The plot of the movie is so crammed with story gold, there is actually enough material for TWO great movies, not just one. You heard that right. The thing that actually makes The Sound of Music better than any movie ever made is the fact that it is the gift that just keeps on giving, long after all other movies have petered out. This is not a function of length. There are plenty of great movies that are longer (hi there, Gone With the Wind!) and plenty of stupid, boring ass movies that are longer (sorry, Titanic). This is a function of the fact that just when this movie has come to an absolutely beautiful and satisfying conclusion, a second plot string begins that is equally as interesting and captivating as the first. You would think that a free spirited nun who is essentially ejected from the abbey into the arms of a lonely widower with seven (!!!!!!!) children is enough of a movie, and you would be right. With the gorgeous, scheming baroness as foe, Maria not only wins over the difficult and prickly brood from preschooler to teen, but woos this impossibly sexy man right out from under the nose of her wealthy competition. Did not see that coming, right? Plus there’s singing! And dancing! And a big wedding finale! SWOON!But The Sound of Music doesn’t stop there, where any ordinary movie would be over and out. An ordinary movie would think, “I’ve given you singing, dancing, romance, marionettes, disapproving nuns, adorable children and clothing made out of drapes…you have had enough fun for a lifetime!” And the ordinary movie would be right. You got your money’s worth and can go to bed happy. So realize: this is NO ORDINARY MOVIE. Just when you think it has no more to give, it rolls out the NAZIS. And the SINGING COMPETITION. And more NUNS, this time fully approving and behaving badly themselves. And a heartbreaking BETRAYAL. And finally, a daring ESCAPE. Another ENTIRE movie worth of goodness, people!!! It’s two, two, two treats in one! It simply doesn’t get any better than this.
For these reasons, and many, many more that are just a product of my opinion and not the cold hard facts I have presented you with here, The Sound of Music is my very favorite film of all time. My “desert island movie”. A movie I have watched at least once for every year of my life on this planet and will continue to watch for every year God blesses me with in the future. But, even the best movie ever made cannot be 100% perfect. Just to prove to you that I have perspective and am not being swayed by the slightest hint of sentimentality, there is a flaw in this film. A flaw with a silver lining, but a flaw nevertheless. Here it is, haters: Mother Superior singing “Climb Every Mountain”. Yeah, it stops the perfection dead in its tracks. Just long enough, however, for you to go to the bathroom and get a snack. So you can watch the rest of the glory with a full stomach and an empty bladder. Ah, bliss!